Original Poetry: “I am All of These”

I love queer girls, because I don’t have to explain the appeal of a body and heart like one’s own

How it feels to come out and join our great, gay family, and yet…

To be disowned

to be a survivor, struggling with drawn claws to grasp the dignity which is afforded most without request

I love fat girls, because I don’t have to explain how much the world insists that we hide ourselves

how we vacillate between allowing and refusing to be policed by thinly-veiled bullshit rhetoric about health

that Loving myself is brave and subversive

to stand proud in my size 22 body, knowing that I would fuck me…  a lot

I love trans girls, because there is no one with a greater ability to deconstruct what being a woman really means

We will never birth babies.  Our forms may be forever odd and prolapsed, confusing partners and gawkers alike

But we know a different womanhood than those whose first bra came at 12 and not 30, We are fire-proven

to be radically unafraid, and say to that condemning delivery room doctor YOU ARE MISTAKEN

I love poly girls, because Hearts can be too big for one

We have great big arms, and great big tables, and great big listening ears

Our villages are warmly lit by the glow of generous giving

To refuse society’s fear, and give of ourselves as fully as we know how

I love nurturers, and counselors, andteachers andbestfriendsandsisters-in-armsandromanticsandcreativesandsillies, and those-for-whom-things-haven’t-been-easy, and 

AM   ALL   

OF   THESE

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Infighting in the Trans* Community

A few weeks back, Calpernia Addams, a prominent transgender activist, was talking about her difficulty with members of the trans* community as she attempted to cast a TV show featuring transgender people. It seems she was receiving emails and messages from people who wanted to make sure that her casting selections were composed entirely of transgender people who met some specific concept they had of what a transgender person should be seen as.

I remember well, when I was first transitioning, that some of the hardest people to cope with were other transwomen. For some members of the community, I was ‘doing it wrong.’ Really?  Doing it wrong? How do you juggle flaming chainsaws while blindfolded and riding a unicycle? Any way you can!

It wasn’t just early transition, this has happened to me even recently. I was at a housewarming party about six months ago in a mostly transgender crowd. Most of the ladies were extremely thoughtful to one another, and took efforts to build each other up. That said, there were a couple of my sisters who hadn’t gotten the memo to be nice.

One of the things a trans* person has to learn for themselves is which behaviors from their old identity are genuinely a part of who they are, and which parts they were having to embody in order to keep up the lie of being what people expect them to be. (Which is to say, which behaviors were just to prove their gender as assigned at birth.)

The ladies with whom I took issue (and, this is the first of several places where I will likely make angry comments happen) were still hanging on to the ugly competitive boasting which had likely been a centerpiece of their false male identities. This was absolutely something I had to do in my feeble attempts to be seen as male by my young peers.

I feel like I can hear you talking to your screen right now.

“But, cisgender women have ugly competitive behavior too.”

That’s definitely true, but I hope you’ll allow for the possibility that the two seem a somewhat distinct in my observation of their tone.

I do not know why people within this community, who are so marginalized, have the energy to both fight against the vicious discrimination that we face, and still have enough fight left to turn against one another.

 

 

 

 

I Know Girls

I woke up super-early this morning. Normally, I would turn over and enjoy the extra sleep.
But, I had a reply to yesterday’s blog. …and, it made me giddy! Seriously!

Why is a troll making me giddy?

Because this troll is providing the voice of countless hundreds of people who have spat at my right to exist, and this troll… THIS troll has shown me that I am now the elder.

I am now in that exalted place where I find my most favorite sisters: Mary Lambert, Meghan Tonjes, Adele, The Militant Baker, ZafdigTimes, FullFatMayo, Calpernia Addams, Janet Mock, Laverne Cox, Ellen DeGeneres. That place which says “You are entitled not to like me, but this is who and what I am, and it was not made for you, and will not be broken by you.”

What’s great about our interaction, dear troll (if I sound arrogant, it’s because I am) is that I didn’t yet know I was the elder. I didn’t know that I was in this exalted place.

Do you know where the term “bullet proof” comes from? Armor makers, after the advent of powder weapons, used to shoot a bullet at the chestplate of their armor to demonstrate its strength. This left an impression in the metal. The mark was called the “bullet proof.”

My metal, apparently, is bullet proof… Until you came along and shot at it, though… I didn’t know that with certainty. This makes me feel very secure.

But, somewhere among my readers is a beautiful fat person who needs me to assume the mantle of elder, as so many have before me. By telling you that you do not get to tell me I am overreacting. My reaction will be as strong as I deem necessary, because, you know what? YOU are not the arbiter of what my reactions should be like.

You do not get to come here and say

Land Whale,

or Faggot,

or Tranny,

or Slut….

You don’t get to say that! (At least unanswered) Because, somewhere among my readers is a person like the one I used to be. A person who takes your words and turns them inward, and uses them to prove why they deserve to be hated. A person who has to physically harm their body in order to make tangible their incredible suffering.

I think what you’ve said is terrific: You don’t know me. …and, that’s the elephant in the room. You are so ready to talk about which bodies are acceptable and which are not, you didn’t even take that fleeting moment to consider what kind of body I have… what kind of bodies my readers have.

I have no interest in enforcing conformity. I think conformity often stifles the best parts of a person, but decency… Decency I will enforce.

Because that person, that dear, sweet fat girl I will never meet… I love her.
Like a sister
Like a daughter

…and you and your ilk can’t have her.

Fat Shaming and the MRM

-The following is a response to comments on this post: https://serialnonconformist.wordpress.com/2013/10/21/extra-the-mrm-mens-rights-movement/

I was somewhat resistant to jump into this one, because others have already done wonderful work here, and frankly, I cannot add anything that hasn’t been covered. But, as this has found its way to my door, here I go. BTW, to address concerns over troll-feeding, this person (until their last post went awry in paragraph two) has been reasonable in their approach, and I am happy to engage in polite discourse as long as it remains that way.

***TW: Fat shaming, Rape culture***

As far as I can tell, ‘Fat Shaming Week’ was a project of the website ‘Return of Kings’ (linked, but not recommended) http://www.returnofkings.com/ A cursory glance at their page seems to indicate that their work includes both MRA and PUA themes, so I am really unsure how anyone outside these movements would be able to distinguish which arm of its operation was responsible for ‘Fat Shaming Week.’

I left your second paragraph comments alone, but added a warning. I just can’t begin to know what you hoped to accomplish through the use of that kind of language. You are attempting to make an argument that there is a difference between attempting to police the weight of someone who is slightly overweight as opposed to someone who is significantly overweight. I would argue that trying to police another person’s weight, no matter their BMI, is always the same. You’re always going to be taking away the body autonomy of that person, and you’re always going to be dictating to another human being how they should feel about themselves.

Beyond that, even if there was something ‘wrong’ with being fat, who the hell is anyone but that person to decide what life choices are appropriate for them? And who is anyone but them able to know what factors affect their weight?

Your precious Mr. Elam seems to believe that fatness is an effective rape-repellant. (linked but definitely not suggested) http://www.avoiceformen.com/women/the-unspoken-side-of-rape/ So, given that thinking, shouldn’t everyone get fat? And, since we are on the subject of rape and obesity, survivors of sexual violence and misconduct make up 30% – 40% of those who are treated for eating disorders. http://www.aftersilence.org/eating-disorders.php

If the next argument is to toss some pseudoscience at me and attempt to show a causal relationship between obesity and healthcare costs, I will point out that it is exceedingly difficult to discern whether there is a direct causal link (as opposed to a correlative one) or if secondary factors may be the cause of both the obesity and the health issues.

I am fat. At the time of my last checkup three months ago, I was also in good health. Usually the rebuttal to this is what has come to be called the “Vague Future Heath Threat” which goes something like “Yes, you’re healthy now, but it won’t be long before your fatness has negative consequences.” http://www.fatnutritionist.com/index.php/the-death-threat-its-not-about-health/

In essence, this false notion about health is no different from any other straw-man arguments. It’s the same as saying “I am not a homophobe, I just want to make sure you are looking out for your eternal soul.”  I call BULLSHIT!

One thing that can be shown: people who are fat-shamed tend to GAIN weight. Let me say that again. People who are fat-shamed tend to gain weight. http://www.nbcnews.com/health/fat-shaming-actually-increases-risk-becoming-or-staying-obese-new-8C10751491

So, is this really about health? Is this really about your ‘concern‘ for my wellness, or a ‘concern‘ over healthcare costs. No. This is about your hierarchical self-esteem, and your sheep-like reiteration of some asshole’s assertion that they get to decide what everyone else should look like.

I have bad news for your movement: I love my fat thighs, my soft tummy, and my curves. …And you know who else does? The gorgeous women of all sizes who fuck me!

There is a wealth of information on fat and health, here are a few resources:

http://www.haescommunity.org/

http://www.fatnutritionist.com/index.php/articles-evidence/

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/09/120904193052.htm

Also, here are some great responses to Fat Shaming:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/evianasuperbo/the-best-response-to-fat-shaming-week-9gi6

http://www.themilitantbaker.com/2013/10/my-excuse-im-glad-you-asked.html

http://marylambertsings.com/2013/09/06/i-want-to-talk-about-body-positivity-ok/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/iris-higgins/an-open-apology-to-all-of_b_3762714.html

All my love dear fat sisters, and dear skinny sisters alike.
You deserve love, and you deserve a space in which to love yourself.

MWAH!

  • “After I washed my car, it rained. Therefore washing my car causes rain.”
  • “When I got in the bath tub, the phone rang. Therefore getting in the bath will lead to the phone ringing.”
  • “We won our baseball game when I was wearing these socks, so it must be the lucky socks that caused our win.”

– See more at: http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/science/correlation-vs-causation#sthash.VodX8Ggv.dpuf

  • “After I washed my car, it rained. Therefore washing my car causes rain.”
  • “When I got in the bath tub, the phone rang. Therefore getting in the bath will lead to the phone ringing.”
  • “We won our baseball game when I was wearing these socks, so it must be the lucky socks that caused our win.”

– See more at: http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/science/correlation-vs-causation#sthash.VodX8Ggv.dpuf

  • “After I washed my car, it rained. Therefore washing my car causes rain.”
  • “When I got in the bath tub, the phone rang. Therefore getting in the bath will lead to the phone ringing.”
  • “We won our baseball game when I was wearing these socks, so it must be the lucky socks that caused our win.”

– See more at: http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/science/correlation-vs-causation#sthash.VodX8Ggv.dpuf

Extra: The MRM (Men’s Rights Movement)

In recent weeks, I’ve become aware of a growing community of very vocal activists for something I have come to know is called the Men’s Rights Movement.

The voices which I have come across are entirely negative and using misinformation and panic over… I really don’t know what they’re so panicked about, really.

Listening to these people talk is like listening to the most radicalized among any community. They are so very upset, that the message gets lost in the unrelated vitriol.

In doing a bit of digging, I was able to find five points that seem valid:

Demanding that male survivors of domestic abuse and sexual assault to be taken seriously.

Changing the narrative about statutory rape of males as “sexy.”

Advocating Intactivism (activism against the practice of circumcision)

Protecting genuinely economically disadvantaged people who actually lack the means to pay child support from entering our for-profit prison system.

Doing away with gender bias in child visitation considerations.

I’m all for these.

No qualifiers or commentary; these are worthy ideas.

Now that actual merits have been set aside, I can take on the overwhelming bulk of what the movement has to say, which is:

“WE HATE WOMEN.”

That’s really the underpinning of everything (apart from the above mentioned exclusions)

“WE HATE WOMEN.”

“We hate fat women, we hate powerful women, we hate women who want a place in political discussions, we hate women who expect child support, we hate women with the nerve to turn in their rapists, we hate women who recognize that all non-consensual sex is rape, we hate women who prefer an egalitarian view of their familial roles, we hate women who expect us to actively participate in maintaining healthy relationships, we hate how (or even that) women talk, and we hate women who fail to recognize that they are sex objects.”

I’m sure that all of you could grow this list to pages upon pages long, but this is a reasonable start, I hope.

All things considered, this group feels a lot like the Tea Party movement to me. There may be a handful of reasonable people with a handful of reasonable ideas, but it if reasonable ideas were supposed to be the point, they have been supplanted by a cacophony of radical ones. I don’t think this movement has the power to do much besides affecting the further corruption of the ignorant. -The fear I have is just how large a group of people “ignorant” describes.

Remember, my sisters, they don’t own us, they don’t own our voices, and they don’t own our bodies. We have come too far to let a temper-tantrum en masse to destroy what so many have given so much for.

Let’s take time to give love to those men who believe, as we do, that the world only works when women are truly counted as equals.

All my love,

Serialnonconformist

The Fault is in Our WORDS *(TW Rape)*

-With special thanks to The Keeper for a great chat about social power.-

Homophobia

Rape culture

Xenophobia

Classism

Religious intolerence

If the powerful get to dictate how we discuss the morality of an issue, can we ever have meaningful social justice?

I have too many ideas, and am having difficulty narrowing my conversation, so let me start this way: Think of “Pretty Woman.” This film, and so many films like it, suggest(s) that an empirical vision of what is ‘right’ can win over one that’s ‘wrong’ even if there is a social stratification of those doing the arguing.

“It is wrong to be aggressive or cold in your venture capitalism, because a prostitute said so.”

Can you imagine that actually happening? Never!

And yet, that is our great lie of an American narrative.

The Horatio Alger “Anybody can make it, and everybody matters” narrative is, at best, incorrect. (At its worst, you could argue that this type of narrative is deliberately perpetuated to assuage the ire of the disadvantaged by falsely creating a belief that they can succeed as a group.)

I became familiar with a new term this morning: “TERF, or Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist.” …and, really, what an insidious thing to be. Here is someone who believes that it’s unacceptable for men to deny full personhood to women, and sees how blatantly unacceptable that is. But, even with the ability to identify the injustice of patriarchy cannot see the same problems of privilege when it is they who are exercising it.

Which begs an interesting question: Can we only see injustice upwards?

Rape culture centers on this idea. It’s only wrong, or a crime, if the privileged see it as such. I was in Texas during the trial of the Stubenville rapists. As I ate my lunch one afternoon, I was listening to ESPN’s coverage on the TV in the restaurant’s dining room. Listening to male sportscasters discuss the nature of what had happened was truly as though it was from another world.

But, what became visible to me was that there was a changing cultural narrative about consent, and that the narrative was changing because it was starting to be framed from the perspective of survivors, rather than that of perpetrators. So, here again, the problem looks a lot different for those who suffer its consequences.

Narratives work this way. The powerful and privileged tell stories in a completely different way. They decide who is at fault, who is right, who is wrong.

Cisgender women, are women with transgender histories actually problematic for you? Do we not deserve the justice of being counted as your sisters?

Cis/straight men, are women actually problematic for you? Do we not deserve the justice of being counted as your equals?

White, American-born people, are those of other ethnicities or national origins actually problematic for us? Do they not deserve the justice of being counted as ‘Real Americans?’

Lastly, can those of us with various forms of privilege PLEASE stop asking about the nature of these problems from other privileged people? Only a disadvantaged person can truly show us the devastation of privilege.

Make the world better, ask how you can lift up another person.

Love ‘ya!
MWAH!

Extra: Here’s an interesting look at straight privilege, in which the filmmakers flipped the world to a homonormative one to demonstrate the issue of homophobic bullying *(TW bullying, suicidal thoughts)*

One Happy Girl

Today was a day that had everything feeling right. No one thing stood out, but the day, in its totality was a most agreeable one.

My dear friend, who writes under “Beatrice” is safely beside her new lover/Master. (For her blog, go here: http://beatricesufferlove.blogspot.com/ )

An awesome Texas friend of mine, and huge inspiration got married to her fella.

DW and I have gotten along really well today. We shared a very meaningful cry over the Glee episode “The Quarterback.”

The Keeper remains Keeperish, and messaged with me a bit during her classes.

I went out for a lovely solo errand-running trip which found me spontaneously deciding to peruse one of my favorite clothing stores.  It was a great thing that I did, because I found two sexy-as-hell dresses, one of which was on clearance!

The dresses segment of the story is mostly important because I have been feeling much differently about my body, of late. What I chose for myself today was decidedly the wardrobe of a confident woman, happy to show off my features.

Tonight finds DW and me chatting over “The Sims-Medieval,” which she is playing on the laptop, as I type my thoughts for all of you at the desk.

I wish this kind of day for each and every one of you!

MWAH!

 

Mary Lambert

I have to go back a little bit to get this story into the record.

To give you the appropriate context, you need to know that I adore Mary Lambert in every way I can think of. She’s a gifted musician, songwriter, poet, and blogger. She is a lesbian that makes me proud to be a lesbian, and a plus-size girl that makes me proud to be a plus-size girl. She speaks for those whole lives are scarred by trauma. And so on, and so on…. I just love her to bits!

I found out a few months in advance that she was coming to make her first LA appearance September 27th. (She is based in Seattle) Now, to further understand how deep this runs, you have to know that, as soon as I discovered her, I bought all of her songs, a tee shirt, a poster, and her book of poetry immediately. I’ve never done anything like that before. I just found myself listening to, and reading her words, and saying…

“YES, this is my story! This is my heart! This is my brokenness, and how I think love feels, and what loss is like! Yes Yes Yes!”

Over the weeks leading up to the concert, I found someone to go with, that fell through… and I really didn’t have any success finding anyone else. I might have been a little more comfortable having someone along, but the benefit of going alone is that you can really experience it through your own lens.

I arrived at the venue in Hollywood about an hour before the show (30 minutes before doors opened.) I was the second in line, and I felt very glad that I was not the first (but even more glad not to be behind dozens of people.) The person who was first was a real character. She’d driven in from Phoenix to be there. Melissa was her name, and Melissa had a really amazing collection of celebrity autographs tattooed on her body. She was there to add Mary Lambert to her collection.

A bit of time passed, and I awkwardly stood, listening to Melissa’s tales of collecting autographs (read stalking celebrities.) At a few points, the door opened and the staff poked their heads out to survey the slowly growing crowd. Then Mary Lambert herself came out to re-park her car. On returning to the club, she stopped at the line and told us all she was very excited, and thanked us for being there.

Not long after that, the doors opened. The venue probably accommodated two hundred people. Not huge, but not playing to a coffee shop. Tickets had sold out a couple of weeks prior, so that must have felt good. She mentioned this fact at a few points during her show.

The performance was stellar! I had assumed, based on her performance at the MTV Video Music Awards that she would be sort of quiet and unassuming. I was completely wrong! She was charming, and witty, and also, hilarious! She told jokes and stories that were delightfully self-deprecating, and others which seemed to acknowledge (correctly) that almost anyone in the room would be delighted to sleep with her.

The music was wonderful, and was only made imperfect by the irritating woman at the table next to me, who continually tried to engage Mary in conversation. It worked okay in between songs, and there was a gracious attempt to satisfy this woman’s need for attention, but she was so drunk and/or self-important that she persisted with her questions even through a couple of songs. I am also sorry to report that she repeatedly made mention of the fact that she was from Dallas. I cringed for the Texans I left behind.

Mary’s curtain call was what I think is her signature work to date, “I Know Girls (Bodylove)” I cried even harder than I had been already. She was very well received, and I have no doubt at all that she will make the trip again based on the love we gave her.

I waited after the performance, as she graciously met everyone in attendance. She was sweet, and gave me a very satisfying amount of her time. She asked my name, told me to call her “Mary” she remembered seeing me in line before the show and noticed that I was wearing her tee shirt. We had a hug, and a picture, and I was on my way.

Even now, weeks later, I still feel like I am in the afterglow of that night. And, that’s no accident. There are lots of things in my life right now that are working together to perpetuate those wonderful feelings.

Be well, my loves!
MWAH!

I Know Girls
Mary Lambert
I know girls who are trying to fit into the social norm
Like squeezing into last year’s prom dress
I know girls who are low rise, mac eyeshadow
And binge drinking
I know girls that wonder if they’re disaster
And sexy enough to fit in
I know girls who are fleeing bombs
From the mosques of their skin
Playing Russian roulette with death
It’s never easy to accept
That our bodies are fallible and flawed
But when do we draw the line?
When the knife hits the skin?
Isn’t it the same thing as purging
Because we’re so obsessed with death
Some women just have more guts than others
The funny thing is women like us don’t shoot
We swallow pills, still wanting to be beautiful at the morgue
Still proceeding to put on make-up
Still hoping that the mortician finds us fuckable and attractive
We might as well be buried with our shoes
And handbags and scarves, girls
We flirt with death every time we etch a new tally mark
Into our skin
I know how to split my wrists like a battlefield too
But the time has come for us to
Reclaim our bodies
Our bodies deserve more than to be war-torn and collateral
Offering this fuckdom as a pathetic means to say
“I only know how to exist when I’m wanted”
Girls like us are hardly ever wanted you know
We’re used up and sad and drunk and
Perpetually waiting by the phone for someone to pick up
And tell us that we did good
You did good
(I know I am because I said am, my body is home)

So try this
Take your hands over your bumpy lovebody naked
And remember the first time you touched someone
With the sole purpose of learning all of them
Touched them because the light was pretty on them
And the dust in the sunlight danced the way your heart did
Touch yourself with a purpose
Your body is the most beautiful royal
Fathers and uncles are not claiming your knife anymore
Are not your razor, no
Put the sharpness back
Lay your hands flat and feel the surface of scarred skin
I once touched a tree with charred limbs
The stump was still breathing
But the tops were just ashy remains
I wonder what it’s like to come back from that
Sometimes I feel a forest fire erupting from my wrists
And the smoke signals sent out are the most beautiful things
I’ve ever seen
Love your body the way your mother loved your baby feet
And brother, arm wrapping shoulders, and remember
This is important

You are worth more than who you fuck
You are worth more than a waistline
You are worth more than any naked body could proclaim
In the shadows, more than a man’s whim
Or your father’s mistake
You are no less valuable as a size 16, than a size 4
You are no less valuable as a 32a than a 36c
Your sexiness is defined
By concentric circles within your wood
Wisdom
You are a goddamn tree stump with leaves sprouting out
Reborn

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My First Collaborative Blog!! (part 3)

As someone who identifies as Polyamorous, how did you build a framework for the relationship you have with your Significant Other and future relationships?

When I met my partner (whom I refer to as “DW” or, “Darling Wife” elsewhere in the blog) we both already identified as polyamorous. Within any non-monogamous relationship, there is a need for in-depth conversations about what the parties envision, and what boundaries and expectations exist. In most open relationships, the rules early on are rather limited. As time goes on, and trust builds, the rules almost always relax. It can sometimes be a bumpy process, and there are bound to be hurt feelings at points, as everyone figures out how it all works.

My personal belief, and the way my relationship works, is that open, honest, and complete communication is really the only factor in success or failure. Rules may provide a temporary sense of security, but ultimately, I think that those who are ultimately able to make non-monogamy work flip from being worried that non-monogamy will drive them apart, to seeing it as a source of enrichment and happiness. For me, I want anyone I have a relationship to have as many of their needs met as possible. I welcome anyone that can make my partner happy.

Much of this is covered this post

https://serialnonconformist.wordpress.com/2011/09/21/by-request-ii-polyamory/

There is a common misconception about Polyamory being just about having sex with whomever you’d like. How do you describe Polyamory to peole who think this? What is Polyamory to you?

Well, first off, there definitely is a form of non-monogamy that is exclusively about sexual non-monogamy: swinging. But even at that, swingers typically have very specific rules and expectations. There are two issues I take with this argument (and it’s a very typical argument) the first is that polyamory is merely an alibi for wanting to have sex with everyone in your zip code. The second is that there is some quantity of sexual partners at which someone becomes “a bad person.” If a potential partner told me they’d had one thousand sexual partners, and had clean sexual health, the only thing I might be inclined to worry about was that they might find me somewhat pedestrian. Slut Shaming = BAD. Moving on….

For me, polyamory is about the freedom to be honest about one’s feelings. I have a deep and abiding love for my friends, sometimes romantic love develops from that. I don’t have to try to pretend I’m not falling for someone. Likewise, if I have a crush or sexual attraction to someone I meet, I can be honest about that too.

Everyone has feelings of attraction to people other than their spouse. For many people, the wise thing to do is to repress that. I don’t disagree with this notion at all. I think most people are probably better off remaining monogamous. No matter what anthropology tells us about past cultures, current American culture is built on an expectation of monogamy. We are socialized to accept only this. Stepping outside of convention takes tremendous courage and conviction. In this way, polyamory is not dissimilar to being a part of the LGBTQIA community. You become a target for traditionalists immediately. In addition to the courage to face detractors, poly relationships take a lot of work! It’s really not for most people.

Do you come across any predujice in the dating world? If so, does that predjudice tend to come more from men or women?

Polyamory is not a relationship model most dating candidates are interested in, but I don’t see this as any more problematic than not wanting to date someone younger, or taller than oneself. People are completely entitled to know, express, and act on their wants for a relationship. I have had a few people write to me about my “immorality” but it’s been a long time since the last one of those.

I think that many people incorrectly assume that polyamory is a male-driven oppressive institution. While there are forms of non-monogamy which force multiple women to have relationships with a man of power, polyamory is entirely egalitarian and consensual. Polyamorous people seek to meet the needs they have for emotional enrichment in an open and honest way, that seeks to be fair to all involved.

What is the most beautiful part about being you?

Simply put, the best part of being me is that I get to! The ability for a person to  live with truth and congruity of self is a rare and wonderful thing. In many other places, and many other periods of time, I would be forced into a life that I wasn’t meant to live. I am very aware of the privilege of self.

A New Approach

I decided to work from a slightly different angle with respect to my dating profile. Now, instead of trying to warn people about my many caveats, I am just talking about who I am and what I’m after. If somebody wants to find a reason to dismiss me, they will have to do it through engagement.

I’ve never used a resume to warn a potential employer. Why on earth would I warn people against talking to me? If I truly believe that I am a person who is worth knowing, my writing must reflect that.

You’ll have a full blog at 3:30 this afternoon (Pacific) but I wanted to put this out there while it was one my mind.

Love you!
MWAH!