Leaves with a Whisper, Enters with a Bang

The end of 2013 finds me… well, distraught.

On the whole, it was a relatively good year. What has me in such an unsettled state is that everything in my life is moving. My basic observations of life include the idea that, if I have even one single stationary point to anchor myself to, I will feel secure. At present, I lack this.

That said: DW begins intensive therapy next week, The Keeper returns from time away with her loved ones, DW’s mom and elder daughter are in town, new social avenues are becoming available…. the list goes on and on.

In the long term, 2014 will likely see Princess Toddlerpants going to preschool. It may even be the case that I am able to go back to school myself. I will likely undergo surgery to correct a sinus issue which keeps me sick and short of breath…. In the extreme, I suppose it’s even possible that 2014 will be the year I complete my surgical transition.

The spring brings with it the chance that I may go to Yosemite. This will be a profound moment in the story of my year. I feel that I can do more healing and feeling and learning and connecting in that space than any other.

I’ve been hard at work living in my own head, readying myself for major changes which I still can’t predict. I can say that 2013 was about learning to be stronger, smarter, and indeed much more wise. Many of these lessons were hard to accept, and a long time coming. I have learned about the power of taking no action. I have learned about taking the right action at the right time. I know how to be a ferocious advocate for myself. I see myself as the matron, and I stand equal to the tests of a sage, and seasoned woman.

And, I can tell you that all of these things will be important very early in this new year. The least likely possible outcome for January is a lack of fundamental changes.

None of this, mind you, is about any resolution or such notion. It just so happens that the machinery which will drive 2014 is already warmed up.

There’s a lot that could be terrifying, and a lot that could go very very wrong. But, with every chance for disaster, there is a chance of triumph!

Come at me, changes! I’m ready for you!

Be well, my loves!


The Code of Lauren

Push up bra: I’ve got boobs, and I know how to use them.

Black bra: I like how I look.

Red bra: I am out for trouble… the fun kind of trouble.

Shaves everything: I think there’s a chance someone will touch me.

Shaves legs: Standard condition.

Doesn’t shave legs: I am deliberately taking sex off the table.

Hair parted at one o’clock: Normal condition.

Hair parted at two o’clock: KISS ME, I’M A HOMO!

Total confidence: I think we could fuck/ be friends.

Falling all over myself: Smitten kitten.




This Year

Whomever gets to date the 2014 model Lauren is in for a treat. My maturity and patience have improved, I no longer NEED to be in a relationship. I’m as attentive and affectionate as ever. I have a much better relationship with my body.
…I’m excited to see what happens.

Be well, my loves!
Love yourself and let yourself be loved

The Present, and the Future

There’s a lot that’s changed… and a lot that hasn’t.

DW is out on medical leave in order to make progress toward improving her Depression and Fibromyalgia symptoms.

The Keeper is going through an unnecessarily hard breakup with her Girlfriend.

I saw Mary Lambert for a second time.

I pondered sexual misconduct, and decided that I probably have some sharing to do with you.

Lots of social issues were fought over.

I skipped TDoR again.

I had a Twitter exchange with Janet Mock.

I made Facebook friends with an old friend of mine whose suicide attempt I became involved in undoing.

The flock of hot lesbians has met twice more.

I’ve gotten a few minor nibbles on the dating site, but nothing that materialized. Dating is less of a priority than simply being social in one capacity or another.

I’ve done a lot of flirting, and a lot of flirting has been done with me. I feel really good about what I have to offer in that regard. It does trouble me somewhat that I don’t have a romantic or physical relationship right now, in that, it’s the one thing I feel absolutely confident about.

I bought scandalous new clothes that make me look like a billboard for sex. I’m really falling in love with my body.

I dyed a rainbow into my hair.

I got Princess Toddlerface a second hand stroller to replace the one that disappeared from Disneyland. It is now customized to be purple with silver glitter.

I had a cancer scare. (I’m fine… benign cyst)

Those are the items for the quiz. I may fill in details, but I am back in a living my life phase, and sometimes that comes at the expense of writing about it.

Be well, my loves