The end of 2013 finds me… well, distraught.
On the whole, it was a relatively good year. What has me in such an unsettled state is that everything in my life is moving. My basic observations of life include the idea that, if I have even one single stationary point to anchor myself to, I will feel secure. At present, I lack this.
That said: DW begins intensive therapy next week, The Keeper returns from time away with her loved ones, DW’s mom and elder daughter are in town, new social avenues are becoming available…. the list goes on and on.
In the long term, 2014 will likely see Princess Toddlerpants going to preschool. It may even be the case that I am able to go back to school myself. I will likely undergo surgery to correct a sinus issue which keeps me sick and short of breath…. In the extreme, I suppose it’s even possible that 2014 will be the year I complete my surgical transition.
The spring brings with it the chance that I may go to Yosemite. This will be a profound moment in the story of my year. I feel that I can do more healing and feeling and learning and connecting in that space than any other.
I’ve been hard at work living in my own head, readying myself for major changes which I still can’t predict. I can say that 2013 was about learning to be stronger, smarter, and indeed much more wise. Many of these lessons were hard to accept, and a long time coming. I have learned about the power of taking no action. I have learned about taking the right action at the right time. I know how to be a ferocious advocate for myself. I see myself as the matron, and I stand equal to the tests of a sage, and seasoned woman.
And, I can tell you that all of these things will be important very early in this new year. The least likely possible outcome for January is a lack of fundamental changes.
None of this, mind you, is about any resolution or such notion. It just so happens that the machinery which will drive 2014 is already warmed up.
There’s a lot that could be terrifying, and a lot that could go very very wrong. But, with every chance for disaster, there is a chance of triumph!
Come at me, changes! I’m ready for you!
Be well, my loves!