*NSFW* Hey L.A., It’s Lauren. Can We Talk?

I was watching a YouTube clip from “Ellen” this morning in which this woman:

Robyn Lawley, who is either a size 12 or size 16, depending on whose account you’re reading said “I got called BIG, I got called HEFTY, it’s fine, I’m really confident and I love my body as it is.”

By the way, I’m trying to find an attribution for this image, but I can tell you it comes from an article for which the header reads “Would you look at me and say I’m fat?” And, I’m sure most reasonable people are reading this with the appropriate WTF-type reaction. Here is a woman who is exactly the average size for an adult woman in the U.S. having to ward off fat-shaming. Stupid Hollywood asshole media, right? RIGHT!

…except, I live in that world.

Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston is in the midst of studying why lesbians seem to have higher rates of obesity than their straight counterparts when the opposite is true of gay men. What interests me, beyond the broad conclusions that the study may or may not ultimately yield, is whether that paradigm holds true for Southern California, and other highly image-conscious localities. I definitely see how much gay male culture polices itself on things like fitness, but I would argue that lesbian culture around here is exactly the same way.

And, being thin is only the very beginning. We have to have the right relationships with cats, fresh local foods, and The Buddha. We have to work out, and do lots of yoga, and read lots of books, and be artistic, and linguistic, and work for social justice.

This is all cool stuff, but I am just not cool enough to even bother to write most of these people. (and, there’s no chance in Naraka that they’d ever write me.)

I just fed my kid microwave popcorn for lunch, for fuck’s sake! I’m hopeless!

The phrase that launched this post was one I read on a dating site this morning. The phrase was “Artisanal Hummus.” Artisanal hummus? Artisanal Hummus!

I mean, I’ve had artisanal hummus. I like artisanal hummus. I do! But, artisanal hummus came packaged in a profile which I have decided typifies an L.A. lesbian. I could have chosen a real outlier… someone who had several advanced degrees, or spoke five languages, or had single-handedly freed Tibet while keeping up a daily regimen of deadlifting a Prius filled with rescue dogs…. But I think this girl is a good view of what average looks like here.

The author, who looks to be about a size 4, discussed specific neighborhoods within L.A. that this person was looking to find someone in… okay, local is good. Who wants to drive all over?

Farmer’s Market asparagus was mentioned.

“Guerrilla peacefare,” to the extent that I understand what this entails, I’m all for that.

She works in holistic healthcare, and entertainment; and is leaning about orthomolecular medicine and wishes to do energy work.

She meditates and does yoga, and she sees these as undervalued in people’s lives. She seeks spiritual growth. She works out regularly.

I lifted this passage verbatim: “My focus this year is painting, freelance website design, creative writing – mentoring/co-writing on a few scripts (having a blast nerding out on Greek mythology, ancient religions/philosophies and witchcraft for research)….Regularly working towards manifestation of my future adventures….”

She is a gifted cook, a reader…discusses being like MacGyver in her ability to build Ikea bunkbeds by herself using pulleys and acrobatics.

She has an impressively precocious list of books, shows, music and food that she likes (mentions avoiding sugar/starch/complex carbs/gluten/corn/GMOs/non-organic foods) She also wants to ferment her own foods.

Kombucha (which I had to look up) is one of the six things she can’t live without.

She lists the specific exercise equipment she uses at home.

…and, I’m not even going to go into what she talks about wanting to find in someone.

Now, my point is not to say that I find this person unappealing. I think she’s fascinating! Many of the things she claims to be are things I’d be very interested in.

That being said, if I ever was able to secure a very captivating first date, I’m not sure that I think there’s a place for me in all of that living perfectly. I don’t need fixing, but I do need someone with the time and energy to care about me.

So, while it’s ever harder to find imperfect people like me, I will look as hard as I need to in order to find them.

Be well, my loves

MWAH!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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One thought on “*NSFW* Hey L.A., It’s Lauren. Can We Talk?

  1. Wow! I got a ‘Meetup’ notification of this group in my email this morning:

    Gorgeous, Smart Lesbians who look like A listers/Models
    We are looking for gorgeous lesbians, who want to meet fabulous Gay women. OC based, the group will have LA visits. Meet super-attractive friends. If the matches you get on your dating site suck, the lesbians you meet look like dudes, you love being around gorgous model-looks and you look like one, this is for you. You have to be super hot and FEMININE is the only requirement. Local OC/LA best. Then once you are in, it’s up to you to show up to our glamourous events, and be funny, witty, educated and extremely smart.

    Please choke on a dental dam
    Love,
    Lauren

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