Another fascinating talk with The Keeper tonight. (I should just hand the blog over to her.)
I finally feel like I have put my proverbial finger on a major reason (beyond the obvious liking her traits) that I feel so drawn to her. She is a hub. Remember Alice’s chart from The L Word? The people on here who had lots of connections, Shane, for instance, were called “hubs.”
Now, I do not pretend to know how many relationships The Keeper has had, nor do I necessarily assume it’s a lot. Really, that’s irrelevant to her status as a hub, because she is that girl that everyone develops a crush on. People treat her like a hub, and thus, it is so.
Now, I will gladly admit that I have absolutely not figured out dating in L.A. despite having grown up here. That said, I was definitely a hub during my years in Dallas. I don’t think this status is revocable once conferred. Feeling the ego surge of being desired like that… you never go back to wallflower status.
The few times I have had the privilege of a relationship with another hub, it’s always been electric! These relationships operate on a different plane. It’s as though the questions get stripped away… the doubts subside. You know the romance is going to be good, you know they can take your breath away with a glance, you know they are incredible lovers, and you know that they know these things about you. Hubs are good at relationships!
I want to take time out to dispel any perception that I am unduly boastful. I suck at a huge number of really critical things in my life. It just so happens that I am good at things that people find attractive. I am a good communicator. I’m genuinely interested in my partner’s wants and needs. I know how to use my body to full effect. I am a skilled and attentive lover. None of these should really be all that remarkable. In essence, this all boils down to “I give a shit.”
I don’t need to master some playbook of how to get women to come on to me. (What I actually need is to listen to myself when I have an intuitive sense that someone isn’t a great fit.) I think the last year has taught me that selectivity is worthwhile, and, that it isn’t important to date for the sake of dating.
Anyway, The Keeper has less free time than it would take to start a romance. (She has a lovely one already, on top of a very busy schedule.) I’m genuinely okay with that. We can throw wonderful sparks at each other without being in a relationship, per se. Will it be something I think about if her availability changes, I’d be foolish not to.
What I will not be doing, though, is my former trick of trying to compromise myself into a pretzel in order to have a relationship which is doomed by circumstance to fail. It’s a totally pointless exercise, and people will get hurt.
Keeper, I am not sure whether I hope you ever read this or not. One way or the other,
You are a magnificent person.
I have unspeakable amounts of fun acknowledging and exploring our excellent rapport with one another.
I see you for the powerful being you are.
Being around you (physically or metaphorically) reminds me of how powerful I am.
We have something great, which I really treasure.
My best advice for anybody is to just get out there and throw sparks with somebody. I can’t tell you what it will turn into, and that isn’t really the point.
The sparks ARE the point!