I woke up super-early this morning. Normally, I would turn over and enjoy the extra sleep.
But, I had a reply to yesterday’s blog. …and, it made me giddy! Seriously!
Why is a troll making me giddy?
Because this troll is providing the voice of countless hundreds of people who have spat at my right to exist, and this troll… THIS troll has shown me that I am now the elder.
I am now in that exalted place where I find my most favorite sisters: Mary Lambert, Meghan Tonjes, Adele, The Militant Baker, ZafdigTimes, FullFatMayo, Calpernia Addams, Janet Mock, Laverne Cox, Ellen DeGeneres. That place which says “You are entitled not to like me, but this is who and what I am, and it was not made for you, and will not be broken by you.”
What’s great about our interaction, dear troll (if I sound arrogant, it’s because I am) is that I didn’t yet know I was the elder. I didn’t know that I was in this exalted place.
Do you know where the term “bullet proof” comes from? Armor makers, after the advent of powder weapons, used to shoot a bullet at the chestplate of their armor to demonstrate its strength. This left an impression in the metal. The mark was called the “bullet proof.”
My metal, apparently, is bullet proof… Until you came along and shot at it, though… I didn’t know that with certainty. This makes me feel very secure.
But, somewhere among my readers is a beautiful fat person who needs me to assume the mantle of elder, as so many have before me. By telling you that you do not get to tell me I am overreacting. My reaction will be as strong as I deem necessary, because, you know what? YOU are not the arbiter of what my reactions should be like.
You do not get to come here and say
You don’t get to say that! (At least unanswered) Because, somewhere among my readers is a person like the one I used to be. A person who takes your words and turns them inward, and uses them to prove why they deserve to be hated. A person who has to physically harm their body in order to make tangible their incredible suffering.
I think what you’ve said is terrific: You don’t know me. …and, that’s the elephant in the room. You are so ready to talk about which bodies are acceptable and which are not, you didn’t even take that fleeting moment to consider what kind of body I have… what kind of bodies my readers have.
I have no interest in enforcing conformity. I think conformity often stifles the best parts of a person, but decency… Decency I will enforce.
Because that person, that dear, sweet fat girl I will never meet… I love her.
Like a sister
Like a daughter
…and you and your ilk can’t have her.