I am having difficulty coming up with anything to say, because I am far too busy twisting my trunk gleefully like a schoolgirl.
At long last, the real thing! Not chasing something I will never get… not settling for some half-useful band-aid relationship. I refer, of course, to my amazing first date with San Diego Breathtaker. We had a lovely time at Disneyland, closing the park, then walked over to the Disneyland hotel where she bought me a drink. That is a huge checkmark on my list of life accomplishments, by the way… to have a beautiful girl buy me a drink.
We talked until two in the morning before deciding it was important to get her on her way home. (it is a very significant drive to San Diego.)
She was captivating to listen to, despite having real difficulty catching every word, as Disneyland can be a very loud place. I think I had the broad construct of her personality right… She is at once clever and logical alongside being a starry-eyed dreamer. We covered a whole litany of politics, and feminism, and LGBT issues… and on and on and on. I absolutely could have talked to her all night. She was terribly engaging, and gave great feedback to what I had to say.
I think the overarching concept is simply to say that it feels easy with her. Everything flows naturally. I like her just as she is, and she seems to like me, from what I can tell.
We stayed so late that the tram service had ceased. A short walk to my car and I was able to drive her to the more distant lot where her car was. I felt terribly for her near the end of the night. She had adorable strappy heels on, which had served her well enough, but they were starting to hurt. Her gait betrayed the brave face of her coping with it.
At any rate, I broke precedent, and told her about the blog and her being mentioned. I think my purpose in doing that was to convey the importance she represented.
The thoughts are still swimming and chaotic, and I apologize for bouncing, but there was a funny dynamic throughout the evening as she occasionally adjusted her top… which drew my eye…only to make me concerned that she might think I was staring at her body…which is amazing! I just hate to come off as shallow.
She and I have so very much to talk over in the days ahead. Me being who I am, I want to have a big marathon of logistics and beliefs Q&A so as to fully understand what the expectations of me are going forward. But, I just sort of trust this one. I feel like if I just take up anchor, I will sail calm seas wherever the wind may take us. I get the impression that those of you who have been following me lately have a sense of just how badly I needed this… if, for no other reason than just to begin to believe again.
I told her tonight that I want my happily ever after, whatever that might actually mean for me. I had my faith in the fairy tale tested and worn down. I hope and expect SDB will restore what these weary months have taken from me.
I am behaving in this budding relationship as I have behaved in any that have come to matter… I trust in it, I am not trying to force it or rush it, although I did get a little interested in testing the waters at the very end. As we walked to the non-conformitymobile, I asked to hold her hand, which was lovely. When we reached her car, we shared a hug. I felt very unsure of myself at that moment, and wasn’t ready to hold her as long or close as my musing would have had it, but it was still nice and had that wonderful lightheaded feeling accompany it.
She paused before getting into her car to ask another question, whereupon I worked up the courage to ask for a kiss. She obliged in the most gentle and tender way imaginable. She proceeded to drop her chin and bat her eyelashes at me and, in that moment, she owned my every thought and dream. I laughed at the power she seemed so ready to exercise over me,and again thanked her for a wonderful night.
For the first time in what seems like an eternity, I go to bed tonight wanting for nothing, and breathing the deep sigh of contentment that I have been begging for.
Be well, my loves