So, last night I did it. I laid it all out there for DC. I told her that, while I had been trying to manage my feelings the best I could, I was falling in love with her. I told her that I did not have to act on it, but it was the only truth that could ever be. She let me know that she did not share my feelings. We agreed that we would view each other as very dear friends. It seems that we have taken to calling each other “My person.”
I think I underestimated how vital the ‘best friend’ or ‘sister’ role was. I think I also overestimated how much DW was filling that role. I really do feel like she is relegated to the ‘partner’ role. …and that is not to say life partner, as some lesbians say ‘partner’ to indicate their spouse-type person. I mean more like business partner. Lauren & DW LLP.
Our purpose is to provide for the common good of the household and raise babykiddo… nothing more, nothing less. That doesn’t even really upset me anymore. I am fairly sure it is time for her to simply stop trying to be my spouse. (To the extent I think she’s trying at all.) Any work done has been to simply spin in circles…in order to make progress, you have to just stand up and be bold and proclaim to the universe that you are making a change… She will make what changes she will when and if she decides to… I hope she does, her wellness seems to depend on it.
At any rate, a chapter in my time with DC has come to an end, and I am no longer chasing what I cannot have with her. I am very glad to have her in place in the best friend role, in part because I want to have someone to share my joy with when I do find someone.
Which brings me to my next point. You need to know a new character. San Diego Breathtaker. She and I have been corresponding online for a few weeks. She has voiced a potential concern about how sex will go with a TG woman, as she was not able to make that work previously. She wants to give it a try anyway, and I am all too happy to oblige.
More to follow, I’m sure… these are all very much in-progress subjects.
Be well, my loves!