Super-quick baby stuff

Babykiddo has made progress since last update… She used a two-word phase tonight “Mama Nighnight.” Not only was the language awesome, but asking to be put to bed??? How did I get so lucky?

Stats are 94% head
61% height
11% weight…apparently perfectly okay for new walkers.

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Disambiguation

I have noticed a gradual shift in my thinking of late. I think the most clear distinction…and perhaps, biggest domino to date, is my name change. I don’t have to think about which name to give anymore. I think you’d be surprised how often it is important to know your name in the course of everyday business, but for the last year, I have not known what name to give.

Now I give MY name. The only name that I am known by. Not a pseudonym, not a nickname….just my name.

Exploring how that feels made me realize just how many other huge changes have happened this year. I used to wear women’s clothing. Now I simply wear MY clothing. My first women’s shoes were bought online… then I went into Payless with DW standing guard and running interference…. Now, I openly shop for, and even try on clothes and shoes I wish to buy.

I used to wear makeup so that people would think I was a woman. Now I wear makeup because I like how I look with it on.

I used to take two hours to get ready to go anywhere. Today, I threw on my magenta ‘2fer’ shirt and shorts and went out without having shaven legs or face.

I don’t feel embarrassed, or feel the need to apologize for being something other than what people expect. I have a place in this world, and I do not have to be someone else in order to claim it.

Also, really sexy California girls are writing me. ….and, they LIKE me 🙂

I continue to feel like there are a huge number of people in this world whose lives I can’t imagine making it through… but, I also give myself credit. Not everyone could do what I am doing. I am proud of myself.

While I continue to be desperately in need of outside encouragement, I do feel like I am becoming a source of support for myself… not because I am alone, but because I have the strength to bear my own burdens.

Now, you can check with me tomorrow, and perhaps find me feeling very much in need of someone telling me I am worth something… but the pendulum is swinging less far that way each time it does.

I love you all!

Be well

A few completely disjointed ideas

Probably not much of consequence in this one, but i haven’t written much, and I wanted to fill the void a bit. I have the beginnings of a social network in place in SoCal, thanks to a few people I left behind, and a few new people I have met through my dear friend, the internet.

My hope is that I have found a couple of strong dating possibilities as well, though only time will tell if their interest is as strong as mine.

My family continue in their campaign to hold up the “Keep Out” sign to me. I have heard a lot about how things have gotten even more dysfunctional, and how people will have a very difficult time dealing with my transition, and isn’t it a better idea to live far away….blah blah blah ad nauseum.

I GET IT! But, depriving me of my home so you don’t have to deal with me is sort of like saying President Obama is secretly not a US born citizen. It’s not the actual belief of these people that they need to protect me…it’s their belief that it would be a lot of work to try to include me. I don’t want to be where I am not welcome, but so far, no one has had the courage to plainly say “We don’t want you.”

I feel stir-crazy and want to be closer to moving day… I feel like there is not enough work to do to make me feel the need to get cracking…yet, I have the motivation to have done it all already.

I am excited, but really terrified…I feel like it is my failing if this doesn’t go well. I did push pretty hard for getting out of Texas, although moving back home was certainly not my first choice. I sort of feel like the ambassador to LA…and, if LA proves to suck…I suck too.

More to follow, but i fear with ever diminishing frequency.

Be well, my loves!

Muah!!