Tonight’s dinner with Mr. and Mrs. BE was pleasant… But it also made clear just how awkward that first post-breakup meeting is. Now, to be accurate, we had seen each other one other time since, but it was under crisis-like conditions, and we were not fixated on the friendship at that point.
I fully expect things will normalize in time. I do feel like I got some closure, though. That was a benefit. I think I held out some hope that they wanted to have dinner in order to tell me how wrong they’d been, and that they wanted to give it another shot. Unrealistic, to be sure, but when am I ever realistic?
I came home to DW to whom I gave the Cliff’s Notes on the evening. Kiddos are asleep. I will not see stepkiddo again until we head out to drop her off with dad (and have dinner with a couple of dozen mutual friends.)
It has been a trying couple of weeks while she’s been here. That has come to be the expectation. We are the less favorable household, in her opinion. That is a tough spot, but we are not willing to change our expectations of behavior simply to win her favor. I think that happens a lot in kids of her age. I see so many parents trying to be their kids’ friend… bargaining as though on-level.
I am probably old school in my thinking, but I think there’s a natural division between child and parent, and I operate from that assumption. That is not to say I advocate being cold. I simply believe in a relationship in which the parent is in charge, and the child is not.
And I do not believe parents are really less hard-working than they have ever been, necessarily (though, I’m sure some are.) This is a new world, in which the means of gaining compliance has to be done through conversation. Our parents simply won the argument by being bigger and more able to impose their will physically. I don’t, however, believe that gaining compliance verbally necessitates pleading with a kid to behave.
What a preposterous thing to see a mom on the playground trying to urge and beg her kids to follow directions. Silly me for thinking the grown-up should be in charge! And, the proof of why this is a bad thing is clearly evident in the current generation of entitled kids. We seem to have lost the notion that pride is derived from doing good, and moved into a world where the second place trophy is as big as the one for first place. Is it so damaging to the psyche to create a motivation to succeed? -sigh-
Anyway, all of that stowed, the night ended with three great things:
1. A friend of mine unexpectedly invited me to lunch and shopping tomorrow.
2. I firmed up that I will be picking up SCG from the airport on her return to Texas.
3. My awesome friend and role-model, the burlesque performer, wants to get together next week to show off her wicked makeup skills on my loveliness.
So, it ends on a good note, and I am off to sleep… I hope! Midnight would be a huge improvement over the usual!
Love to all of you!