I have noticed that my poly life seems to work in phases.
There is the gathering candidates phase, the groundwork laying phase, the friend phase, the dating phase, the romantic phase, then the back to friendship phase.
The last three potential romances, however, got to the point where they were about to move into the dating phase, then abruptly skipped to the back to friendship phase. In the case of strikeouts one and two (Mr. and Mrs. BE) The concern was over timing. They were needing to focus inward and work on being a couple for a while….I get that, and I have done that too… no anger or animosity, but I had fallen pretty hard, and it was hard to shake that one off.
Then, the other night, I was up until all hours having a great conversation with NRHSAHM, but she too bowed out of the dating pool. She and I have pretty different wants where polyamory is concerned (she is more polyfi) I agree that it wouldn’t have worked, but I am really not thrilled with finding myself dumped again….and dumped before there was anything from which to dump me.
I continue to have a lovely e-relationship with my penpal girl… let’s begin to call her SCG (sexy college girl) She is sweet, and charming and innocent in all the right ways as much as she is not-so-innocent in all the right ways. She is hopeful and happy and young-at-heart…yet seems worldly and -ahem- experienced.
My recent history makes me want things with her to work out even more, but believe they will quite a bit less. I hope there is not something systemic about all of this… I really don’t know how to do this dance backward and in heels. I used to have a certain degree of confidence in my dating abilities because a) I knew what I was selling and b) I knew how to sell it and to whom.
I am not sure who my audience is anymore….what is the type who go for trans-girls in poly relationships? …and, if I can figure out who the market is made up of…how do I pitch it?
On the bright side, I like this product a lot better…and, I have always been a better seller of stuff I would buy myself. I would date me….I really would. And, I would very likely be happy. I’m good at relationships. Good at making people feel loved and supported.
I fear I need to crank the dating site machine back up and begin finding additional candidates… I don’t want to repeat the old mistake of failing to cultivate what’s next on account of what’s now. That makes me sound like a whore, but it has been a truth that the time between writing to someone on a dating site to actually dating them can be months sometimes. And, while would much rather hang on to someone and not have to replace them, I’ve yet to find any REALLY long-term relationships.
Poly is difficult. It seems that Darling Wife and I have some of the most relaxed rules of anyone we know. As a result, several of my partners have gotten angry with their SOs over the fact that they have less freedom than they’d like. On the other hand, the single people I have attempted relationships with aren’t often as good at sharing as they hope they’ll be.
The fact is, I have not had a dating relationship since before beginning transition. I am ready to give these new wings a try. Some awesome, lucky girl is going to get to marvel at my flying.
Be well, my lovelies…. Muah!