Great Weekend!

After a couple of pretty trying weeks with stepkiddo, Friday saw her headed home, and us headed into an eventful weekend.

Friday night was Dallas Polydinner, a social meet-up for polyamorous folk.  Mr. and Mrs. BE, and a host of other very dear friends were there.

Saturday, it was up early and working our heads off to put the last details on the ‘Treasure Party.’   We invited people over to exchange their unwanted belongings… like a swap meet.  It was a huge success.  We had about 30 people at our rather small apartment.  The temperature inside soared as sweat cascaded from every face.  Our guests seemed to really enjoy it, in spite of the heat.

We proceeded to dinner following that.  About a dozen from the party all went to a local Mexican restaurant.  We were going to go to Mable Peabody’s after that (the local LGBT watering hole) but, ended up heading home instead.

We were joined by a few friends, and had deep discussions until about 3:00am.

Today, I got eyeliner permanently applied.  The process is the same as a tattoo, and was an interesting thing to sit through.  DW and I had Del Taco and checked our much-neglected e-correspondence outlets (interesting bit of news there, as I reconnected with the person most instrumental in causing me to consider transition, after no contact for nearly a year.) We then watched “True Blood” before having a delightful bit of romance to cap the weekend off.

…this week….WOW!

DW interviews in Cali

SCG returns to Texas

SCG and I give a grand tour to a Denton newcomer

Mr and Mrs BE and company at a concert

…and I continue in my quest to squeeze every last drop of joy out of each second 🙂

 

Be well, my loves!

Muah!!!

The end

Tonight’s dinner with Mr. and Mrs. BE was pleasant…  But it also made clear just how awkward that first post-breakup meeting is.  Now, to be accurate, we had seen each other one other time since, but it was under crisis-like conditions, and we were not fixated on the friendship at that point.

I fully expect things will normalize in time.  I do feel like I got some closure, though.  That was a benefit.  I think I held out some hope that they wanted to have dinner in order to tell me how wrong they’d been, and that they wanted to give it another shot.  Unrealistic, to be sure, but when am I ever realistic?

I came home to DW to whom I gave the Cliff’s Notes on the evening.  Kiddos are asleep.  I will not see stepkiddo again until we head out to drop her off with dad (and have dinner with a couple of dozen mutual friends.)

It has been a trying couple of weeks while she’s been here.  That has come to be the expectation.  We are the less favorable household, in her opinion.  That is a tough spot, but we are not willing to change our expectations of behavior simply to win her favor.  I think that happens a lot in kids of her age. I see so many parents trying to be their kids’ friend… bargaining as though on-level.

I am probably old school in my thinking, but I think there’s a natural division between child and parent, and I operate from that assumption.  That is not to say I advocate being cold.  I simply believe in a relationship in which the parent is in charge, and the child is not.

And I do not believe parents are really less hard-working than they have ever been, necessarily (though, I’m sure some are.)  This is a new world, in which the means of gaining compliance has to be done through conversation.  Our parents simply won the argument by being bigger and more able to impose their will physically.  I don’t, however, believe that gaining compliance verbally necessitates pleading with a kid to behave.

What a preposterous thing to see a mom on the playground trying to urge and beg her kids to follow directions.  Silly me for thinking the grown-up should be in charge!  And, the proof of why this is a bad thing is clearly evident in the current generation of entitled kids.  We seem to have lost the notion that pride is derived from doing good, and moved into a world where the second place trophy is as big as the one for first place.  Is it so damaging to the psyche to create a motivation to succeed? -sigh-

Anyway, all of that stowed, the night ended with three great things:

1. A friend of mine unexpectedly invited me to lunch and shopping tomorrow.

2. I firmed up that I will be picking up SCG from the airport on her return to Texas.

3. My awesome friend and role-model, the burlesque performer, wants to get together next week to show off her wicked makeup skills on my loveliness.

So, it ends on a good note, and I am off to sleep… I hope!  Midnight would be a huge improvement over the usual!

 

Love to all of you!

Muah!!!

So, here’s the deal…

Lots of things to update…this is going to be a very disjointed one, so I will try my best to make it user-friendly.

1. New girl contacted me.  She has been sick.  Communication still spotty, and I still have some concerns…. That being said, I have moved past thinking that whatever happens is due to my possible gaffe the other night with feeling self-conscious.  This is a good thing, and peace has been achieved here.

2. SCG has continued to be really good about communicating, and that makes me feel good.  Peace continues here.

3. DW did something amazing tonight!  She took BOLD steps to get the coping skills and other emotional tools whose absence seems to have been hindering our happiness.  Peace of a sort I was not sure I’d see is now happening here.

4. Mr. and Mrs. BE want to have dinner this week.  I am really looking forward to it.  They are awesome people and I am always glad to see them.  I did get honest with myself about the fact that I am not totally over them.  I don’t think that will affect anything about dinner, but to make me have to pretend not to be pouty.  While I still have work to do toward moving on, normalizing things and being social with them makes for peace here.

5. DWs car is again running after a dead battery incident a few days back…MAJOR peace here.

6. Anticipated monetary situation will allow for me to address the same issue affecting my car.  SO much peace here.

7. I have been very sought after in my social circles, including the dating-type ones.  Excitement and peace here.

 

In essence, I feel as though I am on the threshold of stability and grace.  Now to not trip over myself 😉

 

Be well, my loves

Muah!

Failure to blog

Hey everyone!

Sorry I have been away.  I was trying to wait for something concrete to write about, but I’ve got nothing.

I trimmed and dyed my hair today.  When it was super-short, it helped to give it a lot of texture, but now it is growing out somewhat, and I am gradually moving it into being one length.  I definitely found the blonde I have been looking for.  I used (for the benefit of any hair junkies) medium copper blonde in 30 volume developer as a low tone alongside light golden blonde in 40 volume developer.  The effect is warm and pleasing… and works nicely with my rosy complexion.

So, the happiness that I so boldly touted the other night was about  a date I had with someone new. I was hoping to give further information as to what was happening with regard to this budding relationship….but I am not sure what information I actually have to share…. Here’s what I know:

Last week, we spent two VERY long nights on the phone, and then had what had seemed like a very successful first date… all of this on consecutive days.  On day four of this extravaganza of falling way too fast, I found myself rocked to the core with comparative insecurity.  What’s good about that is that my unconscious mind compared myself to a woman.  That has never happened before.  The bad news is, I compared myself unfavorably.  I texted her that I was running late, and explained why.  She consoled me, but I got a sense that I had probably fucked everything up.  So, me, and DW and both kiddos made our way to dinner, whereupon new girl seemed to be much more interested in talking to stepkiddo than anyone else.  In fairness, stepkiddo was being an attention vampire, and she may have simply been placating her.  It may also be that she was trying to keep a respectful distance, knowing how upset I had been… I have no way to know.

In the two days since then, however…complete radio silence.  I have no idea what, if anything to make of it.

Fortunately for my ability to not sweat it, SCG has been awesomely friendly to me, and that is keeping me distracted.  11 more days until her return to Texas from a summer back home.  She is so very yummy, and I am very excited to finally meet her in person!

Not much else to report…but I will broadcast any changes with new girl, should there be any.

Be well, my loves

Muah!

Three up… three down

I have noticed that my poly life seems to work in phases.

There is the gathering candidates phase, the groundwork laying phase, the friend phase, the dating phase, the romantic phase, then the back to friendship phase.

The last three potential romances, however, got to the point where they were about to move into the dating phase, then abruptly skipped to the back to friendship phase.  In the case of strikeouts one and two (Mr. and Mrs. BE) The concern was over timing.  They were needing to focus inward and work on being a couple for a while….I get that, and I have done that too… no anger or animosity, but I had fallen pretty hard, and it was hard to shake that one off.

Then, the other night, I was up until all hours having a great conversation with NRHSAHM, but she too bowed out of the dating pool.  She and I have pretty different wants where polyamory is concerned (she is more polyfi)  I agree that it wouldn’t have worked, but I am really not thrilled with finding myself dumped again….and dumped before there was anything from which to dump me.

I continue to have a lovely e-relationship with my penpal girl… let’s begin to call her SCG (sexy college girl)  She is sweet, and charming and innocent in all the right ways as much as she is not-so-innocent in all the right ways.  She is hopeful and happy and young-at-heart…yet seems worldly and -ahem- experienced.

My recent history makes me want things with her to work out even more, but believe they will quite a bit less.  I hope there is not something systemic about all of this… I really don’t know how to do this dance backward and in heels.  I used to have a certain degree of confidence in my dating abilities because a) I knew what I was selling and b) I knew how to sell it and to whom.

I am not sure who my audience is anymore….what is the type who go for trans-girls in poly relationships?  …and, if I can figure out who the market is made up of…how do I pitch it?

On the bright side, I like this product a lot better…and, I have always been a better seller of stuff I would buy myself.  I would date me….I really would.  And, I would very likely be happy.  I’m good at relationships.  Good at making people feel loved and supported.

I fear I need to crank the dating site machine back up and begin finding additional candidates… I don’t want to repeat the old mistake of failing to cultivate what’s next on account of what’s now.  That makes me sound like a whore, but it has been a truth that the time between writing to someone on a dating site to actually dating them can be months sometimes.  And, while  would much rather hang on to someone and not have to replace them, I’ve yet to find any REALLY long-term relationships.

Poly is difficult.  It seems that Darling Wife and I have some of the most relaxed rules of anyone we know.  As a result, several of my partners have gotten angry with their SOs over the fact that they have less freedom than they’d like.  On the other hand, the single people I have attempted relationships with aren’t often as good at sharing as they hope they’ll be.

The fact is, I have not had a dating relationship since before beginning transition.  I am ready to give these new wings a try.   Some awesome, lucky girl is going to get to marvel at my flying.

I’m READY!

Be well, my lovelies…. Muah!