Hitting stride

***This blog contains subject matter and language that may be disturbing to some readers.  Reader discretion is advised***

4am found me and wife…I need a catchy nickname for her… just settling down to sleep after yet another basically pointless conversation about how much it negatively affects me not to have carried a baby.  This is sort of what my mind does from time to time to shit all over otherwise good days.  I really don’t know why I haven’t found a smarter coping strategy than playing semantics into the wee hours… but this seems like the kind of silly thing I just can’t get enough of. *sigh*

Logic dictates that if you are an amputee, no one but another amputee can really empathize with your situation.  Why, then, do I enlist the understanding of a mother-of-two on matters of not being able to get pregnant? It’s pretty dumb….and I typically end up feeling worse for having tried it.

*side note… the next person who knocks on my door during nap time and wakes babykiddo gets a wet willy*


All of that said, yesterday was a really good day.  I got two major green lights. The first from wife (insert clever nickname here) was that I should get my social life ramped up to where I want it without fear of reprisal. (The fact is, fantasy novels and iPhone games are probably better suited to an introvert than my never-ending babbling anyway.)

More importantly, though, I had a very fruitful conversation with a couple I have been laying the groundwork with.  We have talked for a while now about dating and such, but I was really nervous to proceed without explicit invitation.

We had a very comprehensive discussion about wants/ likes/ fears/ insecurities….the whole spectrum of what might come up in the early stages…and beyond.  We are set to see each other again Friday.  For my part, I feel relieved to finally be able to act on months of crushing on them.  There’s a lot that’s both exciting and a bit nerve wracking.  For one thing, I have never dated a couple before.  I don’t think that’s just twice as complicated….it’s exponential.

On the side of success is that I really do like them both.  (This is not a taking one for the team situation)  Also, I actually think they are a good couple (Not secretly wondering if they see how ill-fit they are for one another.)

Individually they are each really awesome.  He is the first guy I have ever really been able to picture dating.  I have been fighting really hard my whole life to stay away from boys, for various reasons.  He makes me feel safe, though.  It’s a rare and special gift.  He is an amazing man… Kind, sensitive…. and, admittedly, pretty freaking yummy! 🙂

She is not as exotic to my conventional thinking.  In fact, she’s pretty much the whole checklist of what I look for.  Tenderhearted, unassuming…. gorgeous.  Yeah I lucked out 🙂

Anyway, more to follow on all of this, I’m sure.  Wish me luck!

Take care, my loves.  Be good to yourselves and one another 🙂


3 thoughts on “Hitting stride

  1. I know what you mean. People who tell me I’m lucky I didn’t have kids with the ex — have no understanding that I would give anything to be a mom….that they’re asking me to be happy I have missed out — forever — on one of life’s wonderful moments

    It makes me want to send them to the naughty chair until they can come back out and act like proper ladies and gentlemen.

    I may not know all of what you feel — but you have sisters out here in the world


  2. Hi,

    Great post – this is the first one of yours I’ve read, and I look forward to more.

    I have a “vanilla” friend who was telling me recently that she’s been dating a couple, and having a blast. She was talking about how many relationships it actually creates among them too, and I thought, that must be kind of fascinating. I can’t even imagine.

    I look forward to reading more!


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