***This blog contains subject matter and language that may be disturbing to some readers. Reader discretion is advised***
4am found me and wife…I need a catchy nickname for her… just settling down to sleep after yet another basically pointless conversation about how much it negatively affects me not to have carried a baby. This is sort of what my mind does from time to time to shit all over otherwise good days. I really don’t know why I haven’t found a smarter coping strategy than playing semantics into the wee hours… but this seems like the kind of silly thing I just can’t get enough of. *sigh*
Logic dictates that if you are an amputee, no one but another amputee can really empathize with your situation. Why, then, do I enlist the understanding of a mother-of-two on matters of not being able to get pregnant? It’s pretty dumb….and I typically end up feeling worse for having tried it.
*side note… the next person who knocks on my door during nap time and wakes babykiddo gets a wet willy*
All of that said, yesterday was a really good day. I got two major green lights. The first from wife (insert clever nickname here) was that I should get my social life ramped up to where I want it without fear of reprisal. (The fact is, fantasy novels and iPhone games are probably better suited to an introvert than my never-ending babbling anyway.)
More importantly, though, I had a very fruitful conversation with a couple I have been laying the groundwork with. We have talked for a while now about dating and such, but I was really nervous to proceed without explicit invitation.
We had a very comprehensive discussion about wants/ likes/ fears/ insecurities….the whole spectrum of what might come up in the early stages…and beyond. We are set to see each other again Friday. For my part, I feel relieved to finally be able to act on months of crushing on them. There’s a lot that’s both exciting and a bit nerve wracking. For one thing, I have never dated a couple before. I don’t think that’s just twice as complicated….it’s exponential.
On the side of success is that I really do like them both. (This is not a taking one for the team situation) Also, I actually think they are a good couple (Not secretly wondering if they see how ill-fit they are for one another.)
Individually they are each really awesome. He is the first guy I have ever really been able to picture dating. I have been fighting really hard my whole life to stay away from boys, for various reasons. He makes me feel safe, though. It’s a rare and special gift. He is an amazing man… Kind, sensitive…. and, admittedly, pretty freaking yummy! 🙂
She is not as exotic to my conventional thinking. In fact, she’s pretty much the whole checklist of what I look for. Tenderhearted, unassuming…. gorgeous. Yeah I lucked out 🙂
Anyway, more to follow on all of this, I’m sure. Wish me luck!
Take care, my loves. Be good to yourselves and one another 🙂